Skatie now because waiting until after your next argument is just dumb. And hurtful.
Seriously, unless you have developed a new strategy to take into your next confrontation then the past pattern is likely to continue.
I’m all for healthy, productive conflict. Conflict is normal. All people will have disagreements and need to talk them out.
Were any of you taught, like I was, that “you should never go to bed angry”? It seems logical to resolve any argument before you try to sleep in the same bed, for sure.
After decades of implementing that strategy and a better one, I advocate for the better one. That is, take time to think about what you want to say and to notice if there might be other factors underlying your feelings. Maybe even consult with a wise, mature counselor (official or unofficial counselor) while being careful not to triangulate a third person (like your partner) inappropriately into your conflict.
There is a cool word I learned from my own counselors not long ago, disregulated. If you are not in a calm, rested state then you are likely disregulated. It means you’re having distracting feeling, are triggered or not capable of having a difficult, constructive conversation. So, it’s best to say plainly that you are, for unrelated reasons, not able to discuss the thing right now without likely doing unnecessary harm, then agreeing to a time to return to the topic.
That was all a little off topic but good unsolicited advice, if I don’t say so myself. Not that I can take credit for fairly widespread wisdom.
The real point, the longer you wait to meet with someone who can help you navigate your familial connections better than you’ve been doing, the deeper you are going to dig the hole you are in. Be better today. For you, your family, your kid(s). Please get help.
